I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
