I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
