3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
