Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
