she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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