Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
