I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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