i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize