I bet he comes in French.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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