Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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