Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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