I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
