the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have feelings that need drinking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
