so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
