If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
