the condom got lost in my hair
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I want her autograph on my taint
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
