I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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