So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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