Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
