I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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