shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
