I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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