smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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