Moan for me like Helen Keller
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
