I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I will pee on everything he values.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
