woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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