Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
