Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you had me at cake vodka
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
