i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
