Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
