He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
