You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
