scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
