take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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