I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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