Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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