And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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