i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
