I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
