Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
