Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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