After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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