i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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