So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
