She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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