Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
