the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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