HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
