I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
