I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
