The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
