I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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