And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How external is "for external use only"?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
