the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize