currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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