remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
