I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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