May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize