Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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