Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
