lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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