There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
