Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
