I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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