When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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