When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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