so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize